THE VOICE - THE COACHES HAVE THEIR TEAMS!

The blind auditions are over - Here is a list of each coach and who they have on their team - 

TEAM ADAM
Devon Barley: a pre-med student at the University of Vermont who, as Carson quipped, is “just what the doctor ordered.” (We groaned too.) His take on Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours” is breathy and strained. And y’know, when you’re straining to sing a Jason Mraz song, it doesn’t bode well. Would we turn around? Probably not.

Casey Desmond: A “glam rocker”—she’s got red hair and a spangly shirt, it must be true!—notable for singing Gaga well with “Born This Way.” Compare this to the over-cocky, unpicked Joshua Scott Hand, who sang Gaga poorly with “Paparazzi.” Your comparison will be short, too, because thanks to the speed rounds, we heard about ten seconds. But if you want to hear more, Desmond’s another semi-pro, so music is out there. Would we turn around? After Hand, we’d turn around for any Gaga.

Tim Mahoney, whose rendition of Sam Cooke’s “Bring It on Home to Me” was okay if lacking in soul and containing an ill-advised Adam Levine shout-out. But let’s be honest: nobody’s going to remember his performance. They’re going to remember that Adam picked Tim because he sounded like a girl (which he really doesn’t). And they’ll definitely remember what he said next: “Sadly, you have a penis.” They might not remember Blake’s weird homophobia—“You guys would make a great couple,” Blake says, among other taunts—but we will. Would we turn around? Not really. We at Popdust care about the vocal goods

Casey Weston: Not to be confused with Casey Desmond. This one’s a country singer whose producer-granted second chance, a pretty good take on Keith Urban’s “Stupid Boy,” will launch a thousand Taylor Swift comparisons. But we can’t help wondering whether Adam kind of wished he could have let Blake pick her. We also can’t help wondering whether she’s really going to perform at the Marco Island Marriott Music Festival, as her website says. Lack of site maintenance, or spoilers? Would we turn around? Yes. And we’d have done it earlier in the night, too.

Angela Wolff: A “Georgia peach with an edge”—don’t think too hard about that—who gets to perform twice! First she sings Miranda Lambert’s “The House That Built Me,” and although it’s by far the better of the night’s two Miranda covers, Blake is not impressed. But she unsubtly assures us that “I’ll be back somehow,” and sure enough, she is! This time around, she picks Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” and is credible enough for Adam—fortunately, because she’s the last one we hear. What a coincidence. Would we turn around? Sure. In fact, we’d have turned around the first time.

TEAM BLAKE
Sara Oromchi: She sang “Imagine.” She seems shy. She’s probably not too far off from a country singer. And that’s all the producers gave us. Would we turn around? What’s the point?

Tyler Robinson: His back story is about being gay, but the drama’s kept to a minimum, all the better to showcase a maddeningly tolerable version of Train’s “Hey Soul Sister.” He sings so well, you forget what you’re hearing! And Blake thankfully drops the gay-baiting this time; his comment about Tyler’s resembling Drew Carey—he totally doesn’t—might be iffy, but at least it’s not offensive. Would we turn around? Yes. And then hate ourselves for it.

Serabee: An artist with Universal Records ties and a decent snippet of “Son of a Preacher Man.” Again, that’s about all we know. Possibly because of the first part of this blurb. Would we turn around? Contractual obligations require us to say yes. (Not really.)

Dia Frampton of Meg & Dia. The show mentions her sisters, but not by name, and certainly not by membership in a fairly well-known group. To be fair, her take on Colbie Caillat’s “Bubbly” is both vocally interesting and free of the pitch problems such quirks (think Megan Joy from Idol) usually come with. No wonder Blake pushed the button within ten seconds, unless maybe he just really hearts Caillat. Or Meg & Dia. Would we turn around? Yes, and not just because we like Meg & Dia.

Jared Blake: You remember this guy, right? He sang “Good Girls Go Bad” last week, but the shock value didn’t make up for his shaky vocals. Now the benefactor of a second chance, he cleans up well with the Dixie Chicks’ “Not Ready to Make Nice.” Would we turn around? Yep. And then we’d grill him about last week.

EAM CEE LO
Emily Wynne Hughes—excuse us, Emily Valentine. Season 8 of American Idol? Totally didn’t happen. (To be fair, she let fans know in advance that she’d be up to something unspecified.) Emily’s package instead made much of her supposed-to-be-surprising looks, even though she merely resembles Lady Gaga with emphasis on tattoos instead of sartorial screwery. And her melisma-drunk take on “Sober” was entertaining enough, but not as much as Adam’s quip to a peacocking Cee Lo: “Let me get that name for you—did you drop it?” Would we turn around? Sure, why not?

Niki Dawson: An unfortunate victim of the speed segments; we heard about five notes of her “Teenage Dream,” but all five were fantastic. But then, even Katy Perry—vocal virtuoso she is not—can land the one-note “You! Make! Me!” belt. Would we turn around? We’ll take Cee Lo’s word for it: yes.

Nakia: You’ve seen this guy, too; he’s the bearded man who dared to take on Cee Lo’s “’Forget’ You” in front of Lo himself. This takes “guts and balls,” as Xtina put it; fortunately, he’s got both the pipes and personality to make it his own and win over not only Cee Lo, but the increasingly crabby Blake as well. Watch this guy in the coming rounds, if only to see whether Blake’s peacock-Batman prediction comes true. Would we turn around? Hell yeah.

Curtis Grimes: A dead ringer for Josh Groban, but he’s a country boy through and through, down to his “Hillbilly Bone.” That’s a Blake Shelton song, and its lack of “cockiness and anger” left Blake unimpressed. We’d add a pace and a vocally interesting melody to what it lacked. Would we turn around? No.

Tori and Taylor Thompson: Self-described farm girls (their American Juniors time was not self-described) who, like, raise pigs! And show them at the fair! And who do an adorable, harmony-drenched rendition of Sugarland’s “Stuck Like Glue” that would win over any conspiracy theorist. Would we turn around? How could we not?

TEAM XTINA
Cherie Oakley: Big-voiced belter, former country backup vocalist version. She stepped out of the shadows—her metaphor, not ours—to the tune of “Gunpowder and Lead” by Miranda Lambert, a.k.a. Blake’s fiancée. ZOMG! (For audience members out of the loop, Carson was on hand with unsubtle exposition.) Oakley’s pretty credible, particularly on her higher notes, although the backing band drowned her out toward the middle, and she definitely lacks Lambert’s grit. Would we turn around? Sure, at the last minute.

Raquel Castro: Big-voiced belter, fresh-faced (sorta) 16-year-old version. Castro’s an admitted Christina fan, so you just know she sings along to “Fighter.” But this time, she went for X Factorwinner Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding Love.” It’s a bold choice—especially with X Factor about to cross the pond—but Castro’s got the low register to bulk the sound out and the control to land most of the runs (we’re ignoring that last note, but Christina had said yes by then anyway.) Would we turn around? Probably.

Julia Eason: Big-voiced belter, former soccer player version. (Formerly Julia Harriman, too, for those keeping track at home.) Her take on British singer Duffy’s “Mercy” was technically good enough to give Xtina big-sisterly paroxysms (“I love, love, love, love, LOVED it,” she gushes, later saying how they’d “have so much fun together,”) but we can’t remember another thing about it. Would we turn around? Maybe if we hadn’t heard Duffy for a while. Or Adele. Or….

Justin Grennan: Big-voiced belter, dude version. He’s a window installer who sang Train (sigh)’s “Drops of Jupiter.” According to his CDBaby page, he’s “vintage Stevie Wonder with a touch of Michael Jackson and a hint of Steve Perry.” Okay, sure; we’ll take your word for it, because it’s not as if The Voice is telling us otherwise. Would we turn around? No; one Train singer is enough for our conscience.

Lily Elise (Housh): Big-voiced belter, second chance version. (She’s also Julia Eason’s bestie! Drama ahead?) She’s got a good voice, but unfortunately, she sang “If I Ain’t Got You,” overdone before The Voice was conceived. Would we turn around? If she’d have sung anything else. (Popdust)